jolie laide

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.


“Welcome to the moment you are currently in” the wall in the subway says as I pass by, fumbling with my ipod. I want to hear that song, the song I played over and over at the end of the winter when a sudden loss left me with a restless walking blues, driven driven and walking block after block, like the harsh stomping of my boots could drive my questions into the cement and bury them, like the repetitive metronome of my stride could soothe my bewilderment, like the simple crude passing of time and miles could be an anodyne.

I want to hear that song now, a song with such sad words but a provocative happy up-beat, the perfect pairing of the sweetness and bitterness of having and losing. There is a place in the middle when the keyboards break out like the sun from behind heavy clouds, a brilliant burst and the vocals soar out and at that exact spot one wet winter dusk I threw my head back on an empty street and howled in release.

That’s what I want to hear, a glorious radiant wash of relief and confession and sorrow and hope, I want it to break over me pounding as the air starts to vibrate, the floor starts to tremble and the train thunders into the station.

Welcome to the moment I am currently in.


Blogger slickaphonic said...

Why, thank you for the invitation. Your moment is beautiful.

4:15 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

thank you and you are so welcome. I wondered if this wasn't too maudlin, but then, that moment of intensity swept me to work and provided the underpinning for my day, which was altogether good.

8:18 AM  
Blogger michel said...

what song did you find?

12:34 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

oh, it's so dorky and trite, and your musical tastes are so much more developed than mine, I can't even tell you.

but what would you pick?

4:44 PM  
Blogger slickaphonic said...

Hiya, ttractor,
This should probably be an email rather than a comment, but I thought you'd enjoy this link (perhaps even as immensely as I):

9:12 PM  
Blogger slickaphonic said...


The last part of that url should read:


9:14 PM  
Blogger michel said...

i wasn't originally thinking of the paul simon song, i found it matched up perfectly with soul meets body...but then again, some lyrics are so much more than the song they are in.

9:37 PM  
Blogger cherrydragonut said...

I like to walk over the George Washington Bridge and hike in the Palisades. The trail is right at the foot of the bridge. It is a citygirl's trip. There's raspberries there in June and maybe July. There are tons of trails in NY. I love to walk. I used to like labrinth walks but more recently I've cultivated walking in neighborhoods and hiking in the woods. Being outdoors and moving for hours at a time makes me feel like an animal. It makes me feel really unselfconscious or like I'm part of the wind or earth. It's bonding to walk with my friend too. It's time well spent.

2:57 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

oh, I like those photos! I wish I had a magic camera!

7:19 AM  
Blogger slickaphonic said...

I would suggest just tossing your cell phone into a pond, but it seems he went though an awful lot to get the magic into that camera...

glad you enjoyed!

1:15 AM  

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