jolie laide

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.



Blogger cherrydragonut said...

Traffic Control. Do you think we pick out parents before we are born, while we are still in spirit, on the other side? Or maybe there's a traffic controller dispatching us directions. They say that's the slight indentation on our upper lip. It's our angel telling us saying shhhhh and we drift into our!
If I write one more cancer paper I am going to throw up. Horse urine hormones baaaad, participating in random sampling studies and taking horse urine hormones aka estrogen unknowingly, worrrrssssse, worse for some,sum. God I think I'm a narcisist. I post on your blog cause mine sucks and I can't get it up and running and I like yours better and you..I like you, and then I re-read my posts and am very pleased with myself. lol. Yes, the writers life's for me. Hi didily dee, the writer's life's for me! And always let your conscience be your guide. Bum-bum-p. Would I be talking to someone, if someone was here? OR would I be telling them to shut up so I can write? So I can think? We won't even talk about Craigslit, now that's one way to kill a night.
Upcoming Studious Has Been Diva seeks a new floor for her apartment-all expenses paid! They are drilling above me and hammering below. I get second best you know, and to my landlord, that means I get nothing. And everybody's dead. My mom, my uncle. He's newly dead. But we've traveled together - must be the season. My shows. Dead. Phonebook, dead. Ok can be reserected. I feel like some lone surviver in some horrible foreign movie who landed in yet another movie! I've said this before--you know like that cameo tennis player, Katie's friend from "The Way We Were?" Nah just sometimes. I'm happy today. Can't deside if I will send Christmas cards to my dad's friend/s who he lost touch with. I've got mom's phone book now. I wrote them up last night asking them to maybe give my dad a call....but is that meddling? meandering? "cross talk?" Is that really my business? I imagine that I would be saving the day, that they would just barge into his room, unexpectedly and there would be a massive reunion and everyone would live happily ever after. I hear plaster falling above my ceiling, please God don't let it fall through and into my apartment. Not again. Not this morning. I have a paper to edit. So from the grave my mother tells me, ok she yells at me, she YELLS at me, from the grave, my mother, I hear her, telling me not to send the fucking (I put that part in) greeting card. She turned over in her grave, and I'm only thinking about sending it. Alright mama. I will rip it up. I am dad but I am you too. And I love you. You help me push Ashley-Kermit-Tom Brown or what's his name (mom would call him, who the fuck is he?)from my mind. Alright from my heart. She took the pain from my heart. And she doesn't want me calling on that "skinny fuck" either. That's how she talked my mother. She called all of my boyfriends skinny fucks without even meeting some of them, as if they were interchangeable, as if her book-worm seventh grader had some kind of a fetish. She used to make me mad, but now she makes me laugh. My mother, a Brooklynite all of her life, was a pisser. I'm breathing and today, you can call me Florrie, that was my grandmother's name cause I'm with her today, and I realize that that's how some people see me, like her, me and her's the same. And she was funny too, like my mother, only dirtier. I was two when she died and my memories of her her from the crib and on her lap singing What a funny ha ha ha from Das Fladermous. I remember my grandmother. We were in love, just like me and my dad. So hope you like your mother in law, cause your daughter may be just like her and then you'd be surrounded, you'd got it on both sides. Lots of presents to be wrapped. I love you Jolie Laide. Merry Christmas.

10:40 AM  

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