jolie laide

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.

11.22.2006

Molly Otter was my sweethearted black lab. Smart and loyal, she just wanted to be near you. But if she got lonesome, her grief was ferocious. She once ripped an entire yellow pages into Sackie-sized chunks in 25 minutes when she thought I had abandoned her alone at home. So I was very careful to take her to the park every day before I went to work, letting her run and run, exhaust herself, so she would not have the energy to fret, to get destructive with her sadness.

I am very much like her. And so I run and run, so I will not shred phone books, I run to turn raw drive into product. And yesterday I wondered: what if I stopped running and made art instead? I immediately had a vision of art squirting out of every pore, my body too full to contain it, photographs and words ripping and tearing me apart, splattering in all directions on Grand Street.

I think perhaps it's finally time to buy a printer.

6 Comments:

Blogger cherrydragonut said...

ruff! pant, pant, pant, whimper, snif, ruff! ruff!!!!!
(Happy Thanksgiving)

2:35 PM  
Blogger cherrydragonut said...

Seriously, her fear of abandonment may be rooted in her puppyhood. I can't believe you took her to the park everyday before work. That is commendable. Dogs are social creatures. When left to just one primary relationship, they feel isolated,just like people. It's horrible when there is only one main friend to love because when that person is away, there is nobody else to be with. 'Five friends each,' they say is the remedy. Five friends who you really want to be with. Can't say that I have that these days which leaves me picking at scabs. (sorry it's discusting but so is the loneliness). Thank God for today I am not gnawing ferociously at phone books. May all of the gnawers find happiness. You are so brilliant jolie. Thanks for the colorful relate. And as they say...emotions are the foods seasonings. And running is an art, isn't it?

3:03 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

If emotions be foods seasonings, I am getting ready to make some awesome food! I am starting my annual huge Thanksgiving prep and schlep, and I sing and smile and dance through the whole thing. Woo hoo!

I would never have left a social pack animal home alone all day! Molly had a dog sister, and her freak out was when I took Bee Knuckle to the vet without Molly. Molly detested the vet and would tremble just walking in the door. So I thought I was doing her a favor to leave her and take Bee alone. I learned that she would rather be frightened half to death with me than frightened alone. What a sweet girl.

And I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving (I hope this for everyone!).

3:19 PM  
Blogger Dr. S said...

Yes.

Only, instead of ripping into objects, I think I usually rip into myself. Har!

3:41 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

I am not unfamiliar! Happy happy thankful wonderful day you, darling!

4:34 PM  
Blogger Dr. S said...

Oh, I thought about this through the five hours to my parents' house: I didn't mean that I literally rip into myself. Nothing physical. Only ("only") emotional!

12:45 AM  

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