jolie laide

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.


When I turn to look back again the glass is crazed with reflection, and all the people inside are obscured by bright sun, cloud speed, flashing cars. I don't mind missing that last last look because already I am feeling amputated, outside here in the concrete, I don't want to cry.

The wait for the train feels impossibly long and when I board I look down at the feet of the woman sitting across from me. In that moment they are the most beautiful thing in the world. Ropy, tired, slid back in cheap flip-flops, shuffling through Saturday afternoon discards of chip bags, cookie wrappers, paper cups.

It is the end of a week of seaming, of surging. I wouldn't trade it for these hours of loss, they are, in their own way, the best possible thing.

(more time lost in the DMZ that is tech support and I still don't have the ability to write from home. So I am cannibalizing myself. Apologies. And my thoughts to those of you in SoCal DMZ of your own.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's the matter? What happened? Did I miss something? Of course I did. Oraeganmanimnida
-that's Korean for it's been a long time, Jolie Laide!
IS it true that people will be urinating from top of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge Sunday?

11:49 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

Hi! I have no idea which Anonymous you are, but I suppose that's the point of anonymity, no?

Nothing's wrong particularly. I wrote this at yet another leaving-people-at-the-airport event.

If mean the Marathon on Sunday, well, people will be peeing everywhere. You just can't stop to use the Portos when your time will be negatively effected. So I think that rules out climbing to the top of the bridge, but everything else is fair game.

9:58 AM  

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