You see: the couple across the aisle from us, sitting together and reading companionably as the train sways them home at the end of the day.

I see: the man hunched forward, elbows on knees, using the bulk of his body, his shoulders padded larger by his overcoat, to block even a peripheral view of her. When he wants something different to read, he holds his hand out, arm stiff, wordless, and wordless she complies. I see: her apply lip gloss vigorously, with jerky hostile movements, staring straight ahead. Untangle the cords of her ipod with sharp elbows jostling just this side of impeachably passive-aggressive.

I like your version better.