jolie laide

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.


Dog that I am, I am missing the smells, pent up, pacing. There's Dmitri smoking on the roof, I have not seen him in a while. Everyone seems to have gone to ground. The cold weather and the cold I have been harboring in my sludgy lungs have kept me artificially stilled and now I am ready to chew off my own paw.

Somewhere on my run is a bakery and sometimes the air smells like bread and sometimes the sick sweet of cookies. If I kick the detritus at this curb I might get the rank smell of rotting ginko fruit, foul but evocative of a walk I took down a side street once that marked me indelibly. Here is where the Parks Department mulches each winter, ground up Christmas trees breathing and sighing their pungent last ghosts.

I am missing it, missing it terribly, the nighttime raids of distance, of blurry speed, of drawing this world into my lungs and streaming it out clean.

(this blasted system is not letting me log in except for sporadically. so when it surprises me and does so, I am slapping up any old or not old thing I have on hand. I apologize for the lack of quality control and consistency. feh.)


Blogger Dr. S said...

Are you still on the old Blogger? That might be part of the problem.

9:19 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

I'm still on old blogger coz it won't let me switch to new Blogger and I get stuck in a hell-cycle of "log in to use new blogger" "we can switch you yet" gah!

1:33 PM  

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