jolie laide

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.


This cold is making me trippy. On the escalator at the train station I lean my head back, perhaps the flourescents will burn me into reality. I feel a door in the back of my head open, and playing cards are flying out, now dominoes, now bumble bees and egg salad sandwiches. At work I put a thumb tack through my index finger. I should be in bed.

I finally wobble to the grocery store, where I can barely understand my check-out lady. I am sure she is speaking English, but it is barking and heavily accented and I am having a hard time mating her words to our transaction. For the first time I notice that each check out lane has a lit numbered sign, lane one has the picture of a peach on it; lane two has strawberries; lane three is a lemon and a lime. I am in the tomato lane.

Now I have slept through the day, rolling and dreaming, waking only to deep evening. The curtains are still open, and the light from my neighbors' windows makes orange squares across the yards. From the window by my bed is the white round moon. Hello, do you remember I was in love with you?


Blogger Jeffrey said...

I too slept most of the day.

8:01 PM  
Anonymous famjaztique said...

Love/hate that trippy cold experience. Closest I've ever come to a drug experience, being the "careful" young woman that I was.

What I don't understand is why our society puts value on working through sickness. You're right, you should have been home in bed. There seems to be this general attitude that not being able to work while having a cold is "wimpy" and that work trumps just about everything else, including our health. I generally resist this party line and at the first sign of sniffles, put myself to bed and sleep until I feel better.

(I wonder how many work/car accidents are caused each year by people who are sick with colds and flus and whose mental sharpness is wuzzified by germs or cold medicines...)

But none of that really matters. I hope you are feeling better!

11:45 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

Going in to work wasn't about wimpiness, it was about being senior management and being short staffed and trying to get out important projects on deadline. Sometimes it is really clear to me that thousands of peoples' well-being depends on me doing my job right, and I can't just slog off. Although, it's between 9 and 5 righ tnow, and I am doing what....oops, gotta go!

(I miss you! Blogger is giving me headaches too, but sometimes you can log in through the comment editor feature. I'll go leave a comment for you so you can try it out...)

2:00 PM  

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