jolie laide: 100 Words on Love: Grief

jolie laide

I started this when I lived in Brooklyn and struggled for grace in a city that grants moments of beauty and ugliness breathtakingly close to one another. Now I live in a place where things are a different kind of ugly and the beauty is pedestrian. I struggle with that.

3.31.2006

100 Words on Love: Grief




The final few weeks, the illness had taken away nearly everything that made her. The form was still there, but the light had dimmed to near nothing. I stroked her head, her face, feeling the bones through thinned skin. Her final breath skittered ragged across my hand.

She is but ashes now, still in the box they handed back to me. I don’t know what to do with them.

7 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

You write beautifully. How old was your dog?

7:18 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

she was young...only 6. wow, this was 2 years ago, and it still makes me cry. she was the best, goofiest, most joyful dog. and even though it sounds dorky, she taught me how much I only thought I knew about love.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Dr. S said...

Something similar happened to my best friend's cat, and it was utterly harrowing for everyone involved.

I love the picture that's with this post.

12:57 PM  
Blogger ttractor said...

we put her down quickly, when she was no longer there. it was a savage illness. but she was so bold and pursued her fleeting passions so vigorously, we always thought we'd lose her soon--to snarfing down a trove of spoiled hotdogs, or leaping into the back of a passing garbage truck or something equally ridiculous and dramatic.

the picture was taken on my walk from work to the subway last night. *someone* suggested I geomark my pictures, and that made me laugh. You could track my daily walk from the subway to my office, to the diner for lunch, with a tight clutter of flags on the Lower East Side.

1:43 PM  
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